Escape

1: How are you feeling today? 

2: Good, you? 

1: I’m processing… Are you sure you’re good? 

2: Yeah; I mean there’s no reason to complain, right. 

1: Right? 

2: Well, I mean, it’s not like it’s gone do any good anyway. 

1: So, if you could complain about anything what would it be? 

2: Hell, probably everything.  

1: Be more specific. 

2: Ok, well for starters… bills. Bills are always behind and I feel like I can never catch up.  

1: Would you say you feel like that with a lot of things? 

2: What do you mean? 

1: Well do you feel stuck or trapped; unable to, a lot? 

2: Yeah, actually, I do.  

1: Ok, and in those moments, how do you feel? 

2: Uh- Stuck and trapped. 

1: hmm… Interesting. 

2: Interesting? Isn’t that what you meant? Did I not answer the question right? I’m- 

1: Breathe. In those moments do you see an escape? 

2: No, not usually. 

1: Can you rate your state of panic in those moments. 

2: It really depends on the situation. 

1: Understandable, well, give me a ballpark number. 

2: Sure, it ranges between a 4 and a 10. 

1: Ok. Thank you.  

2: Yeah… 

*Timer Dings* 

1: Before you go, I want to give you a small assignment.  

2: I expected that. 

1: Great! Next time you begin to feel stuck or trapped I want you to close your eyes, take deep breaths, and count to 10 slowly. Once you get to 10, I want you to visualize a door, and create it however you want, with a bright neon ‘EXIT’ sign above it. Envision yourself walking toward that door, grabbing the doorknob, turning the knob, and walking through that door of? 

2: Escape. 

1: Can you do that for me? 

2: Yeah, I’ll give it a try man. 

Therapy Session

I have a new segment coming to the blog, titled “Therapy Session”. This new addition to our little corner of the metaverse will deep dive you directly into my mental structure. If you have read any of my work I know you have thought, “Is she okay?” Haha, and, that, is a double-sided sword. So instead of making a post to address my mental instability and pressing trauma, I will show my internal upheaval through art. Thank you, and welcome to Therapy Session.

ORANGE

I was raped.

Beneath the moonlight of a far less than sober night

Scenes flash front my eyes with worst reception than T-Mobile

In and out the visions blur

In and out I felt my insides turn

The smell of my own vomit covering the floor my feet stood as the brownskin I’ve learned to love was broken over a hotel mattress

As the body I had just started to embrace

The vagina I just began to accept

I’ll finish this later…. I can’t stomach it rn…

Profanity Poem

How come you didn’t know I needed–
Nevermind
Fuck you
Excuse my profanity
I’m just no longer a fan
see you rode my heart for the last time
broke me down
to open my hope
just to clown around
Fuck it
I wanted to stick around
until I found the fountain of youth that is rumored about
until my eyes saw yours are as thrown
and your lips as a crown I know
I know this was formed to be beautiful
The tale similar to a play I never read
a hasty duet of love like Romeo and Juliette
however
what’s better?
the story of a hopeless kid finding her way until the struggle gets-
driving the boat until the weather proves-
cheering her on until the score evens-
So in the anguish of mending a shattered stone
the beauty buried within truths more impressive than before

What a beautiful thing.

I Have Nothing

Can I stay? To sooth your emotional tension and caress your hidden scars.

Ugh,

I was thoroughly embarrassed by my last post, chemical factor, I was talking about a freaking guy. A GUY! Seriously, like I haven’t learned my lesson. It’s like my heart is pretending it has any beats left. A GUY. I’m so disappointed. ew, “The man my bosom now longs for,” absolutely ridiculous. I’m so disgusted…. but embarrassingly moved.

Ugh,

He’s so. So mesmerizing. His words leap from my screen and kiss me delicately between my eyes. In the words of Kayne, purest water like a new born daughter. wow. So, in an attempt to passively bring people to my blog I decided to read fellow creators’ content and interact creatively. I clicked the reader tab in the top left corner, and began to scroll. My first attempt ended uneventfully with a middle-aged woman writing about her family not eating at the table together. Now, it could have been interesting, but between all the misspelled words, and shallow remarks regarding her husband working more than he eats I finished unsparked.

Ugh,

Then, I read of you. A man of intellect. A scholar of positioning and rearranging words to formulate the prefect relay of intention. A place I aspire to be. There. Being positioned by your passionate phrasing and internally rearranged to make room for your deep thoughted words. I-

Ugh,

What is it about a man with a mind. When strength meets strategy. When muscle meets memory. I melt. And then I frown because the weight of regretful heartbreak is too heavy to face. “Can I stay? To sooth your emotional tension and caress your hidden scars.” “Why must you ask,” would be my response to such a brilliant way to say fuck, or embrace, or heal. YES. YES. YES. And as I blush from the grip of sapioism tightening around me neck I fall.

Sincerely,

I followed you on Twitter

Synonym for Manifestation

When it all boils down things will hit the fan.

As the kettle calls the pot out, the horse is forced to think.

I love you. Let that be first.

Contrary to your long-term belief, it’s not that hard for me to love.

And despite your own it’s just as easy for me to fall out. To lash out. To trick out an excuse from my hat of toxic relational demonstrations and “Hot Girl” references. At this current stage in my life, I am unable to hold myself to someone who brings me distain. distraught. drain. My heart has always been precious to me, so, it mildly surprises me of my volunteered choice to remain in a state of emotional drain. distraught. distain.

However, as of today, June 10+8, I will no longer indulge the company of a mistreat, misfit, misunderstanding.

I found you.

And I love you too.

I choose you. Above it all. Them as well. I choose you.

No one will be able to disrupt you. I call you solid. strong. bold.

I am learning the meaning of me. Purpose. Approaching what terrifies me the most as been found to exhilarate.

I simply, utterly hope to remain in an evolving mindspace.

ugh.

I pray to remain consistently productively.

I pray to remain true to my core.

I pray to remain grateful of life.

I pray to remain successful in heart.

When it all boils down things will hit the fan.

As the kettle calls the pot out, the horse is forced to think.

I love you.

SATX

So as far as an update. I have moved. I have relocated to a land of rude customer service and drivers whom lack patience. I moved here to escape the oppression of the image of perfection. I needed a deep breath, a full exhale even. This move was to embrace my complete self beyond what I have always known was me. I needed to explore and be close to family.

However, that has not panned to be as I dreamed. This is a year in, and well I still have no close friends. I have intertwined myself to toxic ends to fill the void and wholelisticly make amends. I developed a new skill however. Running out of patience with all of human existence. Thee thought of sex makes my insides arrest. I can not. deal. Within this time of escape I’ve done nothing but become ensnared by snakes and those who more so portray hate. Engulfed by lies, deception, manipulation, fear, laziness, and lack. I, too, fell in the trap. So far the only thing I have achieved is being wild and hanging loose. I am confused. I thought once I received the freedom I sought for I would be, well, free. I would be released from a prison mindset, but that has not transpired yet. Although, let me give her her flowers. I have found a voice that will not bow to something that I feel I don’t deserve to rehearse. I know that I can speak up to multiples when people mismanage my humble soul. I can. do this.

What a beautiful thing.

I can also admit that I am more bold as I have always wished. To be bold to speak. So I am grateful. The misuse of my heart, mind, and body have birthed a mouth that is bold. Boldness.

Boldness-

1. willingness to take risks and act innovatively; confidence or courage. 2. the quality of having a strong, vivid, or clear appearance.

Oxford Languages

Yeah. I believe I can emotionally breathe, because I can verbally express.

What a beautiful thing.

For the past week, I am working on self, like really breakthrough for self. No like I bringing people in to hold me accountabile for self. No no like I am being more lenient, but presistent with self. I am enforcing keeping promises to self for…self. Self is embracking in a new level. I am working on crossing over to a new path. Soon I will be working toward releasing people from around my neck. Heck. I can feel myself close to cashing this check. The foundation for the life of my dreams is being set.

I will succeed at any thing I set as a priority.

Klassic Wilson, THEECEOQUEENN

When I glance into my future I see thee success. The feeling of my heart’s desire manifested within me. I feel is welling up even now. I can sense the great reveal.

What a beautiful thing.

So, despite the misperception of this new city I have found growth and meaning. Now because of the town, but because of who I innately am.

What a beautiful thing.

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